Monday, June 11, 2012

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My baby girl...I'm still in awe that God saw fit to give me such a blessing.  And I can't believe that later this month, she will have been ours for three years!  Wow has the time flown.   She had her 4 year old checkup today and she now weighs 39 pounds and is 41 inches tall!  She also got 4 immunizations and she was so brave.   I could tell she was trying hard not to cry but by the third shot the tears were welling up and by the last one they were flowing..but that was the MMR which really burns.  Just about broke my heart. 


Kerry seems to be in kind of a funny place lately.   Hard to explain.  She still my happy, silly, energetic girl..she just seems a bit more clingy, in an " I need some extra attention" kind of way at times.  And even though she is becoming more independent in ways, she has been sooo, so affectionate and cuddly lately.  She's even taken using a "baby talk" at times.  It's all very, very sweet and Lord knows I love getting lots of hugs and kisses from my girl but it's kind of making me wonder if somehow, on some level, the anniversary is to blame.  I've read that this is not uncommon in adopted children. 


Then there are some of the things she's said lately.


While crawling around and pretending to be a baby she said:
 "I'm a baby.  I don't have a home.  I don't have anybody to keep me".
Of course I had to scoop her up immediately and assure her that I would be happy to keep her forever.


While playing with her favorite stuffed animal friends she'll tell me that so-and-so is "sad because he doesn't have a mommy and daddy."


Yesterday after showering me with hugs and kisses she said:
"I'm giving you lots of hugs because you take good care of me and I gave you ten kisses so you know I'm gonna keep you forever".


Be still my heart.




She has also used the term "adopted" in reference to herself for the first time yesterday.  We have several adoption themed children's books that we've read to her since just after she came home and she likes to watch her adoption video.   We've always tried to talk about it as much as her age and interest level allows (she usually has only mild interest in the subject),  but I don't think she's really started internalizing it until lately which makes me wonder if this might be to blame for what's been going on with my girl lately. 


Not sure, but I guess I will just give her all the extra attention and hugs that she seems to be wanting right now and try to listen to the things she seems to be saying without really "saying" them. 

6 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh Honey reading that broke my heart. She might be finally understanding it all and yet still not. Just keep up the hugs and love and tell her ever day God gave her to you and that he let you chose her forever.

Anonymous said...

When our daughter was 4 or 5 she watched an episode of "The Littlest Hobo" and burst into tears at the end. She was sad b/c the dog had no home. shortly after she watched part of the "Tigger Movie" when he looks for his family. She cried and cried and couldn't finish watching it. It was the first time she showed any understanding of what happened to her as ababy. We talk about it often, how we are together forever, and how much we love her. She is very huggy still at 8 and tells us she loves many times a day, we tell her too. We are Christians too and that helps because we can expalin that God put us together.

Kerry is just sooo cute!

the meaklims said...

She is definitely coming to some sort of understanding and coming to terms with her adoption on some scale.

Cute that she acts like a baby too. Lilah does that for fun too now and again, but mostly she acts out the baby on her stuffed animals. Sometimes I hear crying from her bedroom and it made me panic, but soon realized that it was just Jacob the dog or Poco Loco the penguin!! Haha!

Gotta love those hugs and kisses! I just adore affection and our little ones do too!

Jill

Debbie said...

Oh Gin, I so wish we could save our girls from anything that could hurt them in any form......there is such an overwhelming need to protect them isnt there?
I too think that Kerry is starting to "process" her adoption, and of course all you can do is love her and be there for her, which you already do so well.
We have juct come back from our summer break and this topic came up with Mark and I quite a bit. G is now 2 1/2 years old and this is going to be "just round the corner" for us too.
Sending you loads of support!!

The Byrd's Nest said...

I truly wish our little ones didn't have to feel any of this pain. Sounds to me like she is processing it as much as she can. Lottie processes things way ahead of other kids her age. Sometimes I wonder if she has dealt with it so much in the past year because of our circumstances and the loss she feels from her older siblings in Texas. Not sure...but it has become a normal conversation now. Sometimes she is sad but most of the time she talks about her first mom as if it is someone we see regularly. But she won't watch any movie that has adoption in it and she is still dealing with some anger. Praying for your sweet Kerry Lu and that God replaces the sadness in her heart with peace. Love you!

3 Peanuts said...

This breaks my heart too. Clearly she is figuring some things out in her head and I think you are doing the right thing by giving her just the added attention and loving that she needs.

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I've been happily married to my wonderful husband for 15 years. Two year ago we were blessed to welcome our first child, a Daughter from China and are absolutely in love with her.

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